How to be likable and yet get your point across
May 4, 2010 3 Comments
I never thought I’d require any training in being likeable.
Softspoken and self effacing, I try not to annoy people. I get along with most people. I am always polite and smile a lot. Always.
So when I realised that my emails with a client from across the seven seas started to resemble a screaming match, I was kind of surprised. She pissed me off, I pissed her off in return and then we were both pretty pissed off.
Finally, a colleague sent her a mail saying basically the same things that I was explaining to her. And she replied : sugar and spice, and all that’s nice.
I learnt two things about email etiquettes from this incident:
- Stay firm but polite.
There is a fine line between being firm and rude. And until you learn to recognise the line, remain absolutely polite. Avoid sarcasm because you might seriously piss someone off.
- Never write in a mail something you wouldn’t say in person.
I for one could never be brusque and cutting to someone in real life (at least in my professional life). So there is no reason to do so online either.
One of the reasons why I love my present internship is because I get to interact with people from different cultures. My job is as much about dealing with people as it is about advertising. And I find the former a lot more challenging and formative.
Loved this post. I have the same problem, I think.
I’ve been working lately on saying things without qualifiers.
Me, previously: “I’m sorry to say anything, but I was just thinking that maybe X? …but I’m probably wrong, so never mind, I’M SO SORRY”
Me, now: “X.”
But I must be overcompensating or something, because now people think I’m being argumentative, when all I want to do is state a point.
And then I wonder if they take umbrage because I’m a woman and am supposed to be self-effacing and unsure, and then I get doubly defensive, and no good comes out of it.
So, yes. Very good points, and certainly ones I should pay more attention to.
Thanks Elisabeth! I’ve only just started blogging seriously so kind words about my post are a great encouragement
I like your idea about avoiding qualifiers; I’m going to try and practice this.
here’s some unnecessary advice from me: next time ur in a nasty email exchange , just keep in mind the possibility that the person at the other end mite be having a crummy day – health problems, divorce , money matters, children , cud be anything and maybe thats why this person is so obnoxious in that email.